being home kinda sucks a lot
i mean i love my family and i missed my friends and stuff but
dude it sucks to have your dad sit next to you in church and scoff at doctrinal things, and for him to ask you to stop playing hymns on the piano, and for him to laugh when you mention that you listened to the church cd he wrote when you were seven
today, i was playing “how gentle God’s commands” because i think it’s a pretty song, and he came up behind me, singing mockingly, “How gentle God’s commands, like when he asked Abraham to murder his only son in sacrifice to Him”
you know, and I’ve been praying to keep the spirit with me as i’m coming home from college, but i thought my biggest obstacle would be music and movies and stuff, or apathy. my testimony is freaking being attacked from within my own home. and this time i can’t just up and ask my neighbors to give me a priesthood blessing, because our home teachers out here, and everyone else in the ward for that matter, assume my dad still has the priesthood.
i remember one day a few years ago in young women’s, we had a lesson on the priesthood, and the YW president asked me to read a passage of somebody talking about the blessings of having priesthood in the home. i only got a couple of sentences into the reading before i started crying and couldn’t finish. my president said, “it’s okay, we’ll get Dreah to read the rest of it. I know, the spirit in here is so strong, isn’t it, Brooklynne?” no, the spirit wasn’t strong, i had a big pain in my life because i grew up largely without the priesthood in my home and i understand so little of it. whenever people ask what’s different about the mormon church from other churches, a lot of times people will talk about the priesthood, but i avoid talking about it at all costs because i don’t want to look like an idiot in front of my friends saying that this is one of the most important parts of the gospel and then saying i don’t know anything about it.
and you know what, i’m probably going to get married in the next couple of years, and if my dad can’t get a temple recommend to go through the temple with me
yeah, that just hurts.